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    laugh out loud

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    saviourZaLa

    Posts : 7
    Join date : 2010-10-01
    Age : 29
    Location : sembawang

    laugh out loud

    Post by saviourZaLa on Sun Oct 03, 2010 10:56 am

    hey why is there no jokes section or riddles or plainly LOL stuff
    well let be start by sharing a few jokes...

    Three Kicks

    A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As he climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

    The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

    The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

    The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

    The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.”

    The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?”

    The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”

    The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

    The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

    The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot! Now, it’s my turn!”

    The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck!”
    ___________________________________________________________________________________________


    John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

    About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

    So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

    Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

    Lesson of the day...Don't Lie To Your Mother.
    ____________________________________________________________________________________________________


    Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
    Ted: $10.
    Teacher: You don't know maths.
    Ted: You don't know my father!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Mother: David, come here.
    David: Yes, mum?
    Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
    David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
    Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
    Daughter: It's mummy!
    Father: How do you know?
    Daughter: She didn't say anything.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Girl: Do you love me?
    Boy: Yes Dear
    Girl: Would you die for me?
    Boy: No, mine is undying love

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
    Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
    Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
    Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
    Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    A boy came home from school with his exam results.
    "What did u get?" asked his father.
    "My marks are under water," said the boy.
    "What do u mean 'under water'?"
    "They are all below 'C' level"

    enjoy!!!
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    Arturia

    Posts : 29
    Join date : 2010-09-24
    Age : 28

    Re: laugh out loud

    Post by Arturia on Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:05 pm

    I don't have many jokes up my sleeve but yeah, nice one Very Happy
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    Gin

    Posts : 108
    Join date : 2009-09-21
    Location : Seireitei and Namimori

    Re: laugh out loud

    Post by Gin on Sun Oct 03, 2010 8:38 pm

    I've heard of all of them except the first one XD

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    Re: laugh out loud

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